Rating Your Beloved And Your Boss

Are you familiar with The High Road? Of course you are. That's where the interpersonal super-stars spend most of their time. If you want to learn more about how they got there, read Proactive Personal Style (PPS). In the mean time, here are two 'tests' you can use to rate your beloved and your boss.


Here is a tool you can use when you find yourself wondering whether that special person you are hanging around with is all that special. You know you are taking The High Road; but sometimes it's tough telling if your beloved is actually on The High Road with you or just going along for the ride. If that little voice inside you is chattering away and you think it may be telling you something important, here is how to rate your beloved as a High Road traveler.

Think about each statement below and how true it is for your beloved, every time, in every way. If it's true most all the time, put a '3' beside the statement. If it's usually true but sometimes isn't, put a '2' beside the statement. If it's sometimes true but usually isn't, put a '1' beside the statement. If it's seldom to never true, put a '0' beside the statement. When you are finished, I will tell you how to rate your beloved.

3 = Most always

2 = Usually

1 = Sometimes

0 = Seldom to never

My beloved;

¾ Is consistent and predictable.

¾ Is fun to be around.

¾ Is someone I'm strongly attracted to.

¾ Gives our relationship his/her best shot.

¾ Shows good self-discipline.

¾ Has values consistent with mine.

¾ Has life goals compatible with mine.

¾ Has personal priorities similar to mine.

¾ Knows what is and isn't really important.

¾ Is firm and assertive.

¾ Is someone by whom I would want others to judge me.

¾ Has good personal habits.

¾ Has about the same expectations for me as I have for him/her.

¾ Has about the same expectations for our relationship as I do.

¾ Understands and accepts my expectations for our relationship.

¾ Feels good about being in our relationship.

¾ Is someone I feel good about being in a relationship with.

¾ Finds our relationship satisfying.

¾ Sees our relationship as a shared opportunity and responsibility.

¾ Sees adjusting to me as being as important as my adjusting to him/her.

¾ Doesn't make demands on me.

¾ Doesn't set one-sided conditions on our relationship.

¾ Sees our relationship as a give-and-take kind of thing.

¾ Is someone I can depend on.

¾ Keeps his/her commitments to me.

¾ Is there for me when I need support, encouragement, or someone to scratch the itch, so to speak.

¾ Cares about me.

¾ Wants to know about my activities, thoughts, and personal issues.

¾ Gets happy and excited with me.

¾ Feels badly when things aren't working out or are going badly for me.

¾ Doesn't become competitive with me unless we agree that it's just for fun.

¾ Has faith in me.

¾ Talks to me and shares things with me.

¾ Wants me to be involved with his/her activities and friends.

¾ Supports who I am, my interests, and my priorities.

¾ Understands my needs, goals, and what I want for me.

¾ Tries to be helpful to me.

¾ Thinks I am fine the way I am and feels no need to change me.

¾ Brings out the best in me.

¾ Supports and encourages those relationships I want to have with other people.

¾ Is open to my feelings, point of view, and opinions.

¾ Listens to me.

¾ Is patient with me.

¾ Is gentle with me.

¾ Is very specific when being critical of me or saying something negative to me.

¾ Accepts and deals with the ups-and-downs in our relationship.

¾ Accepts the fact that my behavior, attitudes, and interests change sometimes and aren't always the same.

¾ Can handle my being upset or in a bad mood sometimes.

¾ Snaps back from disappointments or when things don't go his/her way.

¾ Works on those problems that come up in our relationship from time-to-time.

¾ Hangs in there when there is conflict or tension in our relationship.

¾ Doesn't blame me or accuse me of things I didn't do.

¾ Gives me the benefit of the doubt.

¾ Takes the first step to make things better or to improve things within our relationship.

¾ Keeps hassles and arguments short, to the point, and under control.

¾ Trusts me.

¾ Believes what I tell him/her.

¾ Doesn't use me or take advantage of me.

Rating your beloved requires a little math but is fairly easy. Add together the ratings you gave your beloved for each of the statements. The total score will be from 0 to 174. Once you have the score, use the guide below to interpret your beloved's rating as a High Road traveler.

131 to 174 You have found a gem. Your beloved may not be quite perfect; but the High Road is certainly where he/she spends most days, and likely most nights as well. When you get to brooding on the imperfections, pull out your copy of LIFE'S LITTLE SECRETS that you downloaded from Leadership Village, work a little on your Proactive Personal Style (PPS), and look at how well it's going most of the time for you and your beloved. Now, think about what you can do from your side of your relationship to put a little more zip and sparkle here and there, since your beloved is definitely a keeper.

88 to 130 Your beloved is not quite a High Road regular but gets there fairly often. You have some things to seriously discuss; but your relationship is going rather well. You need to identify the strength of your game when it comes to your beloved and give more emphasis to those areas. Your beloved will likely respond by giving his/her less strong areas more effort and energy, especially if you are sensitive but candid about what you think could use more attention and focus. Caution! Get your beloved to emphasize those areas where he/she is already nearing perfection. Your goal needs to be for your relationship to get more perfect instead of less imperfect. Do more of what you do well and what you do less well will either improve over time or become less important. Either way, you and your beloved will find that if you love better, being better loved will take care of itself.

43 to 87 Help! Is there a doctor in the house? Surprise of surprises, a doctor suddenly appears, examines your relationship, makes a diagnosis, and says, 'Take two aspirins and call someone more qualified than I. There is a limit to my skills; and you have passed it.' Well, it may not be quite that far gone; but it's close. If you and your beloved both want to work on it for a very long time, counseling might help; but only if both of you go. Otherwise, it's likely all she wrote, as they say.

0 to 42 How did you get into this relationship to begin with? You will need to give that a very close look. You certainly weren't on The High Road when you got involved. Well, okay. Maybe it used to be different, you and your beloved used to have a wonderful thing going. Even so, it's been going down the tube for a very long time and neither of you have done much to stop it. It's likely time to put the old dog in the truck and take it on down the road, in separate cars, houses, beds, and whatever else you have been sharing; but if you both absolutely want and need to take it down the road together, you will need to settle for what you have going with each other, which isn't much. Nonetheless, you can personally be sure that you are sticking to The High Road, every time, in every way with your beloved, keeping in mind that,

Doing everything you do with style, all the time, on purpose is a personal commitment and doesn't depend on whether someone else is or isn't committed to traveling with you on The High Road.


You have rated your beloved; so now how about rating your boss as a High Road traveler? The steps are the same as you followed before.

Think about each statement below and how true it is for your boss, every time, in every way. If it's true most all the time, put a '3' beside the statement. If it's usually true but sometimes isn't, put a '2' beside the statement. If it's sometimes true but usually isn't, put a '1' beside the statement. If it's seldom to never true, put a '0' beside the statement. When you are finished, I will tell you how to rate your boss.

3 = Most always

2 = Usually

1 = Sometimes

0 = Seldom to never

My boss;

¾ Has a clear vision of our mission, why we do what we do.

¾ Values employees and what we do.

¾ Is committed to excellence.

¾ Is responsive to the needs and interests of our customers.

¾ Understands where and how he/she fits into the scheme of things.

¾ Follows procedures, plays by the rules.

¾ Doesn't pass his/her frustrations down-the-line to employees.

¾ Is positive and energetic whether things are going well or not.

¾ Accurately understands his/her skills and limitations.

¾ Is well-organized.

¾ Handles things in a timely manner.

¾ Personally pitches in and does what needs done.

¾ Keeps things focused on getting the job done.

¾ Doesn't get into being negative and 'down' about things.

¾ Doesn't get into blaming or accusing someone anytime there is a problem.

¾ Believes other people are honest and trustworthy.

¾ Takes even minor complaints seriously.

¾ Is open to ideas and suggestions from anyone.

¾ Understands problems and issues from other people's points of view.

¾ Makes sure a job can be done before holding anyone responsible for it.

¾ Is clear with people about what he/she expects.

¾ Takes time to be sure that people understand how their jobs fit in with other jobs and activities.

¾ Gives people clear reasons and explanations whenever they are requested.

¾ Appropriately delegates tasks and duties.

¾ Doesn't delegate a job to someone and then try to manage it him/herself or second-guess the person who got the job.

¾ Delegates enough authority so the person can do what needs done.

¾ Knows how to get the resources needed to get the job done.

¾ Is skilled at using informal strategies to get things done.

¾ Understands and taps the knowledge, skills, and resources of everyone.

¾ Distributes work and responsibilities efficiently and fairly.

¾ Doesn't take advantage of anyone.

¾ Defers to others when they are more knowledgeable, skilled, or competent.

¾ Values differing styles, personalities, and opinions.

¾ Sees problems and opportunities before they become crises or it's too late to do anything about them.

¾ Deals with problems and conflicts as soon as he/she becomes aware of them.

¾ Doesn't react to people or problems impulsively.

¾ Is slow to confront people or get into arguments.

¾ Fits his/her reactions to the situation or circumstance.

¾ Is assertive but tactful.

¾ Is hard on problems and soft on people.

¾ Is flexible and willing to compromise.

¾ Doesn't deal with people in win/lose terms if it can be avoided.

¾ Remembers and owns what he/she says, agrees to, and does.

¾ Works with people instead of merely relying on his/her power and control.

¾ Takes everyone into consideration when making decisions.

¾ Tries to understand the what and why of problems before taking action.

¾ Can and will make the tough or unpopular decision when necessary.

¾ Can handle people's being unhappy or upset with him/her at times.

¾ Attends to the details without getting bogged down in them.

¾ Gives people clear, frequent, and accurate feedback.

¾ Is as quick to tell people what they have done right as what they have done wrong.

¾ Takes it for granted that people are trying to do a good job.

¾ Is a good teacher.

¾ Is quick to praise and slow to criticize.

¾ Only holds people responsible for what they actually can do, can control.

¾ Compliments publicly, criticizes privately.

To rate your boss, add together the numbers you have put beside the bullets. The total will be from 0 to 168. When you are finished, use the guide below to interpret your boss' score.

126 to 168 There are bosses and There are bosses and then There are bosses like yours; but there are not nearly enough of them to go around. Unfortunately, most people have to make do with lesser mortals. Now, be honest and tell everyone your secret. Did you choose your boss, did your boss choose you, or did you just luck out? However it happened, you have certainly got a good thing going for yourself and should thank your lucky stars at least once a day, every day. You also have a great opportunity to learn from a master. Your boss walks the walk, talks the talk, and has all the right moves; and you should emulate the example being set for you. If you get it right, you are likely to be a great boss yourself one day.

84 to 125 Your boss isn't up there with the crème de la crème, not a certified member of the leadership elite; but nonetheless, you have definitely got a keeper. Though your boss doesn't quite qualify as a leadership guru, he or she may be a worthy candidate for the guru-in-training program. I would certainly gives your boss two thumbs up and so should you. What you need to know is that the more you stick to The High Road as you work and deal with your boss, the more your boss will stick to The High Road when working and dealing with you. You have a boss who doesn't quite get it yet; but you have also got a golden opportunity to show the way, to blaze the trail to The High Road for both of you.

42 to 83 'Average' comes to mind when characterizing your boss. It likely comes as no surprise to you that bosses aren't known for spending a lot of time on The High Road, at least while they are doing their boss thing. Some kind of mysterious fog envelops far too many otherwise sensitive, rational people at the very instant that they put on their boss hats and turns them into bad examples of most everything. To many it looks like they have gotten caught up in status, power, and the need to control everyone and everything. Sure, that's how it is for some; but for most, you are seeing something quite different. They have gotten caught up in all that responsibility and in all that authority they don't know how to handle. Under it all, they are anxious and worried about themselves, their abilities, and whether they will succeed. They fear that they will fail. If you can see this, you can help your boss and help yourself at the same time. You can look for opportunities to be helpful, to be supportive. You can give your boss frequent, accurate feedback about how you are doing and how things are going. Most importantly, you can let your boss know when he or she is doing it right, is succeeding. The key is for you to stick to The High Road every day, in every way. Will this get your boss onto The High Road? Probably not; but there will be more times when he or she gets closer and more opportunities for you to walk the walk, talk the talk, and model the right moves.

0 to 41 Oh well, your boss is why they call it WORK; and you will be having a lot of tough days to follow the tough days you have already had. If knowing what you are dealing with is better than not knowing, it's bad and ain't likely to change, at least not in your lifetime; but you have surely figured that out for yourself by now. Do you remember that old dog you were going to put into the truck and take on down the road? Well, today may be the day; but if that won't work for you when you take everything into consideration, there are a couple pointers that you need to consider. First, your boss isn't going to change and there is little to nothing you can do about that; so quit trying to figure out ways to accomplish the improbable. Next, stop getting into discussions with other employees about your boss' shortcomings. They do no good and only let other people know that you don't spend as much time on The High Road as you should. Finally, you will need to accept how truly difficult your situation is and,

Double your resolve to do everything you do, with style, on purpose, every time, in every way, with everyone, including your boss, as you stick to The High Road.

By Gary Crow March 24, 2017