|Is A Faultfinder Driving You Up The Wall?|
Henry Allen walks into the teachers' lounge where Doris is saying, 'It's their fault down in that office. They always get things fouled up. We work our tails off and they can't get anything right.'
Picking up on the assault, Greg says, 'Do we ever get a thank you or how do you do? Not a chance!'
Henry joins in, 'You can say that again. It's about time we start calling them like they are. It's time to put the responsibility directly on the people who are causing the problems. We all know who they are too. It's just a few who make us all look bad and make it impossible for us to do our jobs.'
Greg says, 'I know people have bad days but that's no excuse. They have to do it right every time, including the little things. Taking it out on us is intolerable. It is professionalism we are talking about and the students are the ones to suffer in the long run.'
Everyone nods at the profundity. Doris says, 'It's attitude. It is our responsibility to keep things on a positive note, no matter how we feel. I do it and don't see why everyone else can't do it. Greg is right, it is a matter of professionalism.'
Management and psychology texts argue that people will do as well as they can under the specific circumstances. They only need to accept the underlying values, understand the problem, and receive support and encouragement. Faultfinders like those in the teachers' lounge do not buy into that. It is only necessary for them to look around to see the absurdity in the people-are-good-and-want-to-do-the-right-thing hypothesis. These players can look at almost any behavior, activity, or project and point out things that should have worked out better or faster. They can point to people who should have been smarter or sharper. They also call attention to events or circumstances that someone should have handled more smoothly or efficiently.
They always do better, they believe, so it is reasonable for them to expect others to do the same. Faultfinders reason thusly:
If things were done right the first time, we would not have to waste our time straightening out messes other people are causing.
There is no excuse for that - whatever that happens to be.
If you can't do the job, we'll find someone who can - and that will be easy to do.
What can you do?
People trying to deal with these players are apt to see them as confident people who have high standards and a low tolerance for anything less than perfection. The real issue is that they cannot separate the important from the unimportant, the essential from the unessential. They can recognize an exact duplicate of something, know when people are following the rules or tell when things are not right. What they cannot recognize is a reasonable example of something. They cannot tell when someone does a job well enough for the purpose. They cannot see that behavior sometimes only varies in style or as a function of personality. They need an exact match or they see no match at all and of course, there are never any extenuating circumstances.
As with anyone who drives you up the wall, do not react, do not come to the bait. The bait is the urge to react negatively, to tell them off, to refuse to work with them, or to resign to the inevitable while you are boiling inside. Instead, make the changes that are appropriate and reasonable. Remember that they are sometimes right and not just faultfinding. The rest of the time, do only what needs to be done, as well as it needs to be done.
Here is the real trick. Without overdoing it, find honest opportunities to say supportive things to these players. Point out things they have done especially well. Comment on it when one of their skills or abilities makes things easier or helps things turn out successfully. Over time, relating to them in these positive ways will modify the way they treat you. It will have little affect on their behavior with other people. The technique only tends to benefit the one who uses it.
Now you know and there you go.
|By Gary A. Crow, Ph.D. September 20, 2017|