35. They have lost a physical ability or skill and cannot handle it.

Helping your foster child with this kind of loss is somewhat different from helping him with other losses. Why? Other losses are one-time kinds of things. A physical loss is usually a lifetime adjustment. For example, what if the child loses his good looks in an accident? It is a problem for him right now. It also comes up every time he meets someone new. It also comes into his mind when he is not invited to a special event or  feels slighted, whether it has anything to do with his appearance. The emotional pain of the loss keeps coming up. This means getting over the loss is not possible. He has to learn to live with what amounts to reliving the loss again and again.

Say, "This is not like losing a relationship or disappointment over something. This is not that kind of thing; and we both know it. This changes many things and it will take time to find out what that means. We will need to talk it through many times over many things. Can we talk about what you are thinking and feeling right now? I am feeling angry and afraid. Does this have anything to do with how you are feeling?"