26. They use illegal drugs.

This is a very complicated problem. Think about it in terms of values: right and wrong, good and bad. Peer pressure is often a strong part of illegal drug use. The child gives in to peer pressure. From a value point of view, here is the idea. If the value of following the law, avoiding dangerous things, and doing what is right is stronger, the youngster says, "No." If not, peer pressure wins.

What was the child taught about following the law, using alcohol and drugs, and about what will be good for him in the long-term? He values what he was taught. Also, if he has been mistreated and got little respect, his struggle is up-hill. His stress is high and his self-esteem is low. His social skills are limited and his school success poor. It is hard for him to turn down something that might make him feel better and bring some social approval, even if it is not "good for him."

Don't react to his drug problem by getting angry. Don't lecture him. Above all, don't threaten him. Say, "It will be a great day when you understand you are important enough and valuable enough to treat yourself better. It will be a better day when you do not want to hurt yourself or run the risk of hurting yourself with alcohol and drugs. You deserve better."

Also keep this point in mind. Don't do anything to protect him from bad outcomes that his drug use causes. If he has problems with the police, they are his problems. If he gets into trouble at school, it is his trouble. If you cannot put up with his behavior at your home, don't put up with it. If he needs treatment, be sure he gets treatment. If he cannot control his drug use, be sure it is controlled for him. It may be the police or the court who has to do the controlling. When the line is not drawn firmly and calmly, it is called enabling. Do not be the one who enables his self-destruction.

One more point is important. There are some street-drugs that are very quickly addictive. Even a child who just gives into the temptation to try it once or twice can be almost immediately addicted. The child may be basically alright and get into real trouble before anyone knows what happened. Get the child professional help right now. Do not wait to see if the problem goes away by itself.