GARY CROW PRESENTS

   

17. They are often the brunt of teasing and put-downs.

This is usually caused by a combination of low self-esteem and poor social skills. Some children are more vulnerable to this. Foster children fit that bill.

Children who have good social skills and high self-esteem can handle the give-and-take. Usually, they do not respond to the taunting. Also, they have ways of stopping it. Often this means using come-backs that are at least as nasty as the original taunt. It works.

Telling your foster child to ignore teasing and put-downs is good advice. But it only works up to a point and part of the time. Also, this does nothing to stop the assault on her self-esteem. It is better for you to stay out of it as much as you can. Be sure she is not using this problem as a new way for her to get your attention. She needs to deal with what is her problem.

Some coaching is good. She only needs to learn one or two social responses. She just needs to use them calmly while looking the taunter straight in the eye. Whatever the taunter says next, she needs only to hold her ground, keep staring, and keep her mouth closed. She might try saying this. "Thank you for sharing that with me. Are there any further examples of your ignorance you want to share?" If the taunter becomes more aggressive or keeps it up, the social puzzle is just that much more challenging. She has to use the response every time for at least ten or fifteen tries, though. By that time, she has started to be socially proactive about her problems.