GARY CROW PRESENTS

   

28. They get bad grades.

A bad grade once in a while is no big deal. Even the reason for it is not very important if it only happens once in a while. Here is the important point. This applies to things like a single day's homework, a specific test, or individual assignments in class. It does not apply to grade cards or to whole subjects. They represent many grades over time. If your foster child gets a D or F on his grade card or always gets bad grades in a specific subject, he has a problem.

Also think about this. What is a bad grade? It is not unusual to hear someone say, "He could get A's if he wanted to." Here is the fact. Youngsters who can get A's by making a reasonable effort get A's. It is as simple as that. If he does not get A's, either he really cannot or it would take a super-human effort. Some extra effort is good. If it goes too far, the good grade comes at the expense of other activities and at a very high cost in stress and pressure. The A is not worth it. Perfection can be given far too much importance.

Keep this in mind. C's are average in most schools. Average children get mostly C'S. If he is getting mostly C's or a C among the B's, let him know you think he is doing fine. A little pep-talk to get him to hang in there and give it his best is okay. Any more pressure than this is a bad idea. It can actually make things worse.

Bad grades are D's and F's. If the child is getting bad grades in one or two subjects or in most subjects, there is a serious problem. First, suspect a reading problem. There usually is one. Next, consider the full range of possible learning problems. Keep looking until an answer is found. When you see this sign, it is unlikely it is the youngster's fault or that he can do anything about it by himself. If someone tells you he just needs to try harder, find someone else who really can help you and the child figure out what's wrong.